A visit

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My dad is engaged with social work. There’s a foundation called “Paramhans Swami Lilashah Foundation” which helps the poor and needy people for improving their standard of living. This foundation helps people in every way it can. It raises funds from the richer sections and passes on to the poor in the form they need. They provide children with books and school fees and also food grains to families every month.

So tonight, dad asked me to come with him to visit one of these people and give them money. Dad described them on the way.
This family had 7 members in all. A husband who recently was detected with throat cancer, a wife who was busy to keep the whole family together and meet ends, 4 daughters and a son.
The father woke up at 4:30 in the morning. Gets ready to catch the 6 AM local train to Rajkot and reaches there at 8:30. He has appointment with local doctors who offer free treatments under some Government schemes. The treatment is free but the transportation charges take almost 30% of their income.
So they had asked for Rs. 3000 from the foundation. When we went there today to give them the pay, the wife was not home. She took her daughter who was 19 to Ahmedabad. Recently the daughter suffered from a chronic elbow pain in one of her hands and couldn’t bear it. The doctors in this small town couldn’t detect what was wrong.

When we gave them the money, they thanked us and said that they were so much in need of that amount. It was the first time I had been in this work. I had a look around their house, the ceiling was falling apart and the the plasters were ripped off. I tried to talk to the youngest of daughters. She said she had just passed her 10th class with good grades and was willing to do something in science stream. This was something amazing.

I came home and I had to share this with everyone who has time to read this. All I know is that I am always complaining about stuff I don’t have to my dad and mom. But looking down at someone, makes me feel more vulnerable. I think everyone in this world deserves a healthy and happy life style.

Today I feel much more greatful for my belongings than I ever in my life have. I just pray for all the souls in need out there and hope to help them in my best possible ways.

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An apology

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“Dear Blair,
            Hope that you are back to your routine and working efficiently, as always.
You must wonder why I am writing this to you after 3 months of breaking up so badly. And on top of it, a letter, when I can mail or simply text you anytime. But I hope you will find your answers in this letter.
I just wanted to tell you that I lied to you and that this letter is an apology. An apology for telling all those harsh words. And I lied to you when I said that I didn’t love you anymore. You were the most amazing thing that ever happened to me.
I still remember 8th of March, you were in your red and black dress. I confessed my feelings and you said yes. And all three years that we have spent together. Your smile, it feels like heaven to see you smile every time. And I love to tease you. And you look so cute when you are angry, and also when you cry. Sometimes I don’t know whether to let you cry of stop you.  And you know you are so short, and that’s so cute. Your eyes are the best part of your face. They can never hide anything from me. Not even the surprises you planned for me. But I hate them when they cry because every tear is so precious.
I never imagined I would get so lucky to have you in my life. Not to mention that you were my crush for a year till I finally confessed. All those moments I spent with you were the best ones of my life and I never ever wanted to dump you the way I did.
I just wanted to confess something before I go away.
Two days before I broke up with you, I came to know that I was on the final stage of my Lung Cancer. I know you always told me not to smoke. I tried my best. But I did smoke when you were not around. That is the second lie. I could not quit smoking even after all if your efforts and I know I failed you.
I did not want you to see me dying. I did not want to trouble you and above all I didn’t want to see your tears.
You will find this letter after my death. Please forgive me for all I have done wrong and please don’t hate me, that’s all I want.
P.S.- I love you and want you to be the happiest girl on this planet.
Yours,
Harry.

Suffocating-II

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Do you know how it feels when you are under the water and cannot get out. You struggle for breath but all you get is water and you try so hard to get above it but then you realize that you are tied with a big rock that won’t allow you to get to the surface.

Being underwater can be beautiful but the longer you stay the harder it gets to come through.

Same is the case with relationships. And by relationships I do not only mean the lovers but friends and family as well. It is so much suffocating to know that inspite of having a group of friends and a great family, no one understands you.

Being alone is hard. You feel like you should go to people who are not your friends any more. You don’t get respect there but only reason you would want to go to them is because you are desparate. Being alone has made you desparate.

Being in a relationship that you know is never going to work out is suffocating. Crying on little fights and wondering why are you still with him. But it’s too late now you think. You can’t break up now. But sometimes you just have to let go. Again not easy ofcourse but it gives so much of relief. Feels like you finally beat that rock and came above the surface breathing fresh air.

Survival

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She knew that her body was giving up but she had to do this for her children.
Alana was a fighter. She faught everyday. Knowing that your husband doesn’t earn well is not an easy fact to digest. But she had always been a supporter. She earned too. However she had a lot of responsibilities.
Woke up at 5 everyday and started cleaning of house. Her mother in law used to wake up at 6 and then her husband and father in law. She had two daughters.
When she married Jamie, she knew it won’t be easy for a foreigner like her to adjust in a typically Indian family. But all through 29 years of her married life, she kept on trying.
Her in-laws were not easy to live with but she made them love her. She had learnt hard work from her dad and was ready to work anytime she was asked.
But now, she was 52 and her body had started giving up. She went for a job in the morning and gave tuitions in the evening. Her boss gave her a hard time as well but she never gave up.

One fine day, finally a miracle happened. Her elder daughter got a great job. Even in the times of financial crises her mother had let her study all she wanted. Alana sent her to the finest schools and universities. And all that hard work now gave them the fruits.
Her daughter came to her and said, “Mother, finally it’s time for you to retire. Finally, the days of our struggle have ended and you don’t need to work anymore. I will take care of our family just the way you have so far. Now it’s time that my struggle began.”

Suffocating

She was racing through the bushes, bruising her legs and arms. It was all dark, but she knew her way. She ran as fast as her legs could take her. Someone was following her. Trying to seize her. The thought of being caught was suffocating her and it made her mind and legs go numb. The more she thought of being caught, the slower she got. The shadow following her was now getting closer. She tried to run faster but all she could think of was getting caught. The stranger’s hands touched her and her whole body shivered and went numb. And her eyes caught the daylight. She sat up on the bed with a jerk. She had woken up from a nightmare.

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The cousin

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Today’s my birthday. But honestly I had expected nothing more than phone calls and messages. She called me at 11:40 and said she wanted to be the first one to wish so she’s gonna bore me for another 20 minutes. However, as I told her about boring vacations, at 11:55 she said, “Open the door, and I swear you won’t be bored anymore.” Yes, she was there. All the way from ahmedabad. Brought me cake and gifts and every member in the house was just as shocked as I was.

Beginning with her description, she is always my savoir. Be it boring vacations or trouble with friends or boyfriend… She was always there. And the best part that I like about us is not that she’s always there for me, well I do like that but, the best part is our talks. We never were the sleeping type when she came. Honestly, I was that type. I was a early to bed and early to rise type. But that’s the part I loved about vacations. I was always excited about vacations because of her.

That’s one of the weakness of human mind that most of the childhood memories come back as dreams and always in pieces. However, all those pieces are so beautiful and idiotic, they make us believe that childhood was fun. We share some great memories together.

She mostly used to arrive here in the morning. Early morning. And used to wake me up. She always brought something for me. Always had a small or large gift, be it clothes or cosmetics or small toys or books ( Maybe I did like her gifts more that’s why the first question I asked her was what did u bring me this time. ) We both had similar interests. She is a year younger than me. She used to bring all new stuff and toys she bought in the whole year to show me.

Other thing that we loved, ( However embarrassing we feel to recall it now ) is that we used bath together. Well, we did like it. Taking a shower together now seems to be so weird we keep laughing at ourselves while recalling that.

We always had the best bonding among all other cousins. Her elder sister and brother also used to come. And two cousin brothers from Bhavnagar and one if my cousin brother living here. We also had an Australian cousin. And she was always our target. We were really rude to her which now we do feel bad about. She had round spectacles with a white frame. And two braids. She never did anything wrong I guess but we did not like her. All of the cousins used to be divided in two groups and use to play WWF. And our team always won. Me and her never actually took part in the fight but used to cheer the bigger ones.

Then I also remember playing CID. As we both were smaller than the others, we always played the role of corpses. We were never given the major roles but still we enjoyed the game more than others.

The best memory I have with her is not sleeping the whole night. We used to wake up in the middle of the night and make cards for everyone. Colours and paper was something we still share in common. We of course did not sleep with parents how much so ever they insisted. Late night snacks, playing UNO, making cards, mocking the other cousins, fights, playing with her toy houses and of course our baths is all I have as our childhood memories.

Change is the way of life. We did change. But change has only made us stronger. We now have our new memories like getting madness attacks in the middle of the night and dancing in “chumma chumma”. Still our midnight munchings are the same. Talking like adults. Talking about life and Indian parents and practicality of life and all the happning things. We share mostly everything. It’s not that we meet everyday, but whenever we meet, we join all the pieces where we left.

And the Pic. Well we have many grown up pics but this one’s still the best. I hope to cherish our relationship in the coming years and love her more than I do now.

Fear

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Something is out there. Chasing you day and night. And there is no way it’s gonna leave you. It’s gonna be with you to harass you for the rest of your life. And you know what it is? Fear.

Be it Darkness, Ghosts, Animals, Magic, Exams or Believes, It’s always coming for you. The moment you think you escaped, it’s gonna be ahead of you and come and boom you in your face.

However, the fact is that FEAR is a soul without a body. And in order to function, it requires a body which is why it enters into your mind. Your mind loves his new buddy so much that they constantly manipulate you, making you question at each and every stage about what’s next.

So from this, it’s quite obvious that the only person to help you get rid of you is you yourself. And for that the basic thing you need to get inside your head is that it only exists in your brain.

So, you think you can win the battle?

Nahh…I don’t think so. Because fear has till now not only got inside ur mind, it’s inside ur soul. And you are a victim of an incurable disease. So enjoy the left days.